Too Long; Didn't Write: What is Too Long; Didn't Write? and Why Kittens are Awesome

This is the official blog for Harrison Engstrom about the things he's interested in, thing's he doesn't understand and thing's he is trying to research. I can't promise it will always be coherent, but I promise it will be informative, entertaining and well-researched. I have nearly finished University and now need a weekly outlet where I can pretend to do work, research unrelated things and hopefully look for work. Speaking of researching unrelated things, here are Four reasons why cats and kittens are awesome.

1. They can look evil when they need to, to scare off larger predators

Evil kitten in the morning!

If evolution has taught us anything is that creatures will eat other creatures regardless of how cute and tiny they are. It's just science. However, through history, evolution has made the feline species smaller and cuter and more adorable, but they all have secret heart of darkness. This darkness can come out when you least expect it and can claw your face off when you're leaning down for just a pet. Their youthful spirit is still curious and mind has not fully formed to know the difference between my leg, a scratching post and the couch. It will attack and there is nothing you can do about it. We are just lucky that as humans, we have evolved our own culture to create so many well formed distractions, that we can subdue that heart of darkness whenever we need to.

Guys, world domination is on hold for now.

2. They are kings of camouflage.

Where's kitteh?

I'm sorry, you may gaffaw, but are you tiny? Can you camouflage? Do you have that power? Do you naturally blend into your acustom environment so well that you can hide anywhere? Now, I do say acustom as while us humans have different types of environments we inhabit, cats tend to only have one through domestication. I can tell you now that while it may be a good idea to get white cat with white furniture (See: Shedding), you better do a butt-check every time you sit down.

Also check before lawn mowing.

3. They are lazy as hell.

Never have I seen a mimicry of human condition so well, than in cats and kittens. Most animals take a time to rest in between hunting, killing or simply enjoying their owner's company, but cats could care less. If it's eight in the morning, it's nap time. If it's midday, it's nap time. If it's twelve past five in the afternoon, it's nap time. Cats are not naturally lazy, but that youthful pouncing and bouncing falls to the way side once they realise they don't have to do too much to impress you. It's like a parent who watches their teenager who can come home with A+'s regardless of how much cocaine and alcohol they put in their system on the weekend. Cat's have a truly privileged life at times and I'm glad cat food doesn't cost as much as coke.

Dude, you should have seen those tits. It was the best.

4. They make for amazing beards.

Your life is now changed.

I am one of the lucky few people who can grow facial hair on this earth. It's literally a natural gift I am proud of. Even one day when I go bald from finding the world's comfiest pillow and growing old with it, I will still be able to have hair fall from my face. But I understand that there are people who cannot and if you have a cat, you needn't worry any more. Your facial worries are no long an issue with a cat beard. Not only do you need to not worry about grooming or food being caught in it, you can simply put it beside you and act cute for hours on end.